


Kansas Wind

by Whoharps



Category: Supernatural
Genre: (Cas's parents), (Ish) - Freeform, Alternate Universe - College/University, Asexual Castiel, Castiel Needs a Hug, Castiel Thinks He's Heterosexual, Castiel is Not a Morning Person, Coming Out, Crying Castiel, Cuz i can, Dean has purple hair, Divorce, Fanfiction, Gender Identity, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Harvelle's Roadhouse, Inspired by Fanfiction, Jo is Dean's sister, Language, Lonely Castiel, Meta, Multi, My First Fanfic, No Gay Panic, Non-Binary Dean, Other, POV Castiel, Panromantic Castiel, Pansexual Dean Winchester, Questioning, Sexuality Crisis, Student Castiel, Student Dean, mild depression, perpetually late Charlie
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-08
Updated: 2017-06-07
Packaged: 2018-10-26 20:15:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10793991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Whoharps/pseuds/Whoharps
Summary: Upon transferring to KU with his friend Charlie, Castiel meets Dean Winchester, and the two of them quickly become fast friends. Castiel struggles to cope with the college curriculum, and makes some discoveries about himself along the way.(I don't know how to summary...)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first fanfic, and I have no idea what I'm doing... I can't believe I worked up the nerve to post this.  
> Castiel is based off of myself, and my own experiences. I changed the timeline and situations, but most of his self discovery mirrors my own. Kinda therapeutic, actually.  
> I'm doing my best with all the gender and sexuality stuff, but if I get anything wrong, let me know! I don't want to cause offense on accident.
> 
> ( _The Unnaturals_ is this AU's version of _Supernatural_.)
> 
> (un-beta'd)

Castiel stood in the shadow of the grim dorm building, it’s brick visage looming over him. A cool breeze rustled through the few trees dotting the campus. He shivered and pull his trenchcoat tighter around himself. He had just transferred to Kansas University, and he had never been away from home longer than a month. He wasn’t sure if he would be able to cope on his own. He’d been home schooled his whole life, and was fucking terrified by the prospect of having to go to an actual class.

_Stop worrying so much! Charlie is going to be here with you. It wont be that scary_ _. Get it together, Castiel!_

Charlie was Castiel’s best friend, much to his surprise. The two couldn't be more different. Where Castiel was quiet and introverted, Charlie was boisterous and _very_ extroverted. They had met two years prior in a computer class. The pair of them had bonded over their shared love of the television show  _The Unnaturals,_ and they’d quickly become fast friends. It turned out that she was planning to go to KU, and, after some consideration, he decided to apply there too. He had originally planned to stay in California, but he felt that being farther away from home would be good for him.

Castiel sighed, and turned away from the imposing building. He looked out across the large grassy field beside it. The semester wouldn’t start until the following week, but there were already several students walking to and from various buildings or lounging on the grass. He kicked at the ground absently, lost in thought.

Castiel had lived a rather quiet life. His parents fought like everyone’s did, and he and his siblings teased each other like any other siblings would. Castiel’s mother had told him that she was filing for divorce and moving out five months ago. Castiel hadn’t known what to do with this information—he’d had no idea it had been that bad. He felt numb and empty. The next day it all hit him, and he cried for what seemed like an hour. He hadn’t cried since. He honestly wanted to cry, but for some reason he just couldn’t. He felt like a dried up husk of himself. He ended up using _The Unnaturals_ as a sort of coping mechanism. Granted, it wasn’t the healthiest thing, but, he reasoned, it was better than a lot of things he  _could_  be doing.

Now here he was. Standing next to two suitcases.

_Alone._

Castiel’s shoulders slumped, and he stared dejectedly at the ground. Over the past few months he had lost touch with most of his friends. He couldn’t bring himself to pick up the phone to text, and, apart from Charlie, his friends rarely attempted to contact him, leaving him to wallow in his isolation. He didn't really blame them, but it still hurt.

For some reason Charlie had gone to Lawrence early—something about a friend who lived in the area that she hadn't seen in ages. Castiel would’ve gone with had it not been for his parents divorce.

Castiel checked his watch and sighed. Charlie had said she would meet him ten minutes ago. He ran his hands through his hair and sighed again. He wasn’t all that surprised, really. Charlie had a tendency of being ‘fashionably’ late for everything, much to her friends’ annoyance. Castiel sat down on a suitcase with an annoyed huff. Having nothing better to do, he gloomily began inspecting the ground beneath his shoes. 

He was intently observing the movements of a small beetle when a shadow fell across him, causing him to jerk in surprise. He looked up to see a tall figure before him. He couldn’t tell who it was, their features were hard to discern as they were back lit by the afternoon sun, but they were definitely too big to be Charlie.

“Can I help you?” Castiel inquired. The figure shifted, causing a shaft of sun to shine directly into Castiel’s eyes, making them water.

“Oh shit, sorry man. The sun’s in your eyes isn’t it? I’ll stand over here,” the person said, and shifted over to Castiel’s left. Castiel angled his torso to get a better look at the stranger. Without the back lighting, Castiel was able to better discern their features. A pair of startlingly green eyes met his blue ones. An attractive young man in a battered leather jacket and ripped jeans stood next to him. He had freckles dotted across his nose, and his hair was an alarming shade of purple. Castiel stared up at the stranger inquiringly and waited for the him to speak. The man stared back. After a moment it became clear that the man wasn’t going to say anything, so Castiel cleared his throat noisily, breaking the man out of his reverie. The man blushed and rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.

“Sorry, uh, it was just- well… You looked lonely and I… I thought you could use some company?”  he said, sheepishly. Castiel smiled.

_This guy seems nice. Maybe this place won’t be so bad after all._

“That’s very kind of you,” Castiel said. “I’m just waiting for my  _perpetually late_  friend to meet me here,” he said, with only a little venom. He held out his hand to the stranger, “Castiel Novak,” he said, as the man grasped the proffered hand and shook it firmly. “Most people just call me Cas.”

“Nice to meet you, Cas. The name’s Dean. Dean Winchester,” he said, and lowered himself to sit on the second suitcase beside Castiel. “So I’m guessing you’re a new student, then?” he said, indicating the luggage.

“Yes, I just transferred here from California,” Castiel said. Dean gave an awed whistle.

“That’s pretty far. What made you decide to come all the way out here to Kansas?” he asked.

“Well, the architecture program is really good here, and also a friend of mine was already planning on transferring,” Castiel replied. “I honestly needed to get away. My family is in a bit of disarray at the moment, so when Charlie told me she was going here I decided to follow.”

“Wait, Charlie? She’s not a nerdy, red-headed lesbian is she?” Dean asked, raising his eyebrows.

“Yes, actually,” Castiel chuckled. “That just about sums her up, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah,” laughed Dean. “I love that kid. She grew up here in Lawrence. ’S’like a sister to me,” Dean said, wistfully. “She moved away two years ago, but we kept in touch. She’s been in town for about a month, and we’ve been hanging’ out.”

“You must be the friend that she was mentioning! I wanted to come early too, but it didn’t work out,” Castiel said, sadly.

“That sucks, dude. I guess we are gonna have to make up for lost time,” Dean said, and flashed a wink. Castiel blushed and looked down at his lap bashfully.

“Somebody’s shy, huh?” chuckled Dean. “Well, Cas, you’d better get used to it. You’re friends with Charlie, so you ain’t getting’ rid of me that easy,” he said with a smirk. 

“CAS! DEAN!”

The two boys looked up to see a red headed girl wearing a banana-yellow blazer sprinting towards them. Castiel glanced at his watch and rolled his eyes. Thirty minutes late. Typical. Dean looked over at him with a knowing grin.

“How late was she?”

“Thirty fuckin’ minutes,” Castiel huffed. Dean nodded sympathetically.

“Could be worse,” Dean said. “I’ve waited over an hour for her before. I think her goal in life is to become the physical manifestation of the word ‘late,’” he said, snickering at his own joke. Castiel let out an undignified snort. The two boys rose to their feet as Charlie jogged up to them, panting from exertion.

“Hey, Cas!” gasped Charlie. “I see you met Dean-o here.”

“Yes, he is a fascinating man,” Castiel said. He glanced over at Dean, only to see that he had hunched in on himself and was shuffling his feet in discomfort. Castiel frowned with concern. “Dean, did I say something wrong?” he asked, worriedly. Dean mumbled something unintelligible under his breath.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that. Could you repeat it?” Castiel asked, moving slightly closer to Dean and tilting his head in confusion.

“‘m not a guy…” Dean muttered. Castiel’s eyes widened in understanding, and a rush of shame flooded him.

_Oh… Fuck, I’m an idiot!_

“Shit! I’m so terribly sorry, I shouldn’t have assumed!” Castiel exclaimed, feeling horribly guilty. “What are your preferred pronouns?” Dean looked up and met Castiel’s eyes, a soft smile spreading across his face.

“‘s fine, dude,” Dean said, waving a hand in dismissal. “I’m non-binary. I use they and them, thanks for asking,” he- _they_ explained, shyly. Castiel nodded in thanks. He held Dean’s piercing gaze until Charlie reminded them of her presence by obnoxiously clearing her throat. The pair to jumped and flushed red with embarrassment. Castiel coughed awkwardly.

“Um… As I was saying, they are a fascinating person,” Castiel said, gesturing to Dean, who’s face was rapidly becoming red again. It seemed to be a regular occurrence.

“I’m glad, Cas! I knew you two would get along!” Charlie gushed. Dean rolled their eyes.

“Char…” they groaned. Charlie punched them lightly on the arm.

“Shut up. You need to make friends and you know it,” Charlie said, harshly. “Suck it up, Winchester.”

Dean groaned, and threw their hands up exasperatedly.

“There’s no escaping is there?” they whined. Charlie smirked, and looked up at them imperiously.

“Nope,” she drawled, popping the ‘P’ for effect. Dean sighed, and slumped their shoulders in defeat. Castiel observed the interaction with amusement.

“Alright!” said Dean, clapping their hands together. “You’re moving into the dorms, right? Lets go get ya settled.”

They swooped down to grab one of Castiel’s suitcases before he could protest that he could carry both just fine. Castiel huffed and grabbed the other, and together the three of them traipsed off to the brick building ahead of them.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel moves into his dorm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some sads in the beginning... Sorry!  
> Also, Happy Mother's Day!

_No…_

_This can’t be happening._

_Why is this happening?_

_Castiel buried his head in his hands. He didn’t know what to do. He tried in vain to keep the tears at bay, his body shaking with suppressed sobs_

_Why?_

_He brought his hands around his knees and sobbed silently. Eventually the tears stopped, and Castiel shifted onto his back to stare up at the ceiling despondently._

_Why?_

_He needed to call Charlie. He needed someone to talk to. He rolled over to snag his phone off of his nightstand and dialed her number. She picked up on the second ring, and he smiled slightly when he heard her chipper voice coming from the phone._

_“Heya, Cas! What’s up, buddy?”_

_Castiel couldn’t speak for a moment. He sniffled loudly, and let out a shaky breath with a sigh._

_“Cas? You alright? What’s wrong?” Charlie’s worried voice crackled over the line._

_“Hey, Charlie,” Castiel croaked, his throat raw from crying. “Um…” he paused, collecting his thoughts. “M-my mom…  she—God,” he broke off with a sniff. “Sh- she filed for divorce and moved out yesterday.”_

_“Oh my God, Cas! Are you alright?”_

_“I- I-…” Castiel tried to speak, but a sob wrenched its way from his throat._

_“I’ll take that as a no… I’ll be there as soon as I can, okay? You hang in there, Castiel,” Charlie said, and the line went dead._

***

Dean expertly guided the four of them up to Castiel’s dorm. Castiel was thankful that Dean knew their way around—after only five minutes in the building he was completely lost. The narrow hallways were all completely identical.

_How the fuck do people find their way around this place?_

When they arrived at Castiel’s dorm, it was already open. Castiel tentatively poked his head in and rapped on the door.

“Hello?” he called into the room.

A young man with dark hair appeared from a door on the left. He smiled as he approached Castiel, reaching out to shake his hand.

“Hey, you must be my roommate,” he said as he pumped Castiel’s hand. “Kevin Tran. It’s good to meet you.”

“Castiel Novak. It’s very nice to meet you as well,” replied Castiel. “These are my friends Dean and Charlie.” Kevin reached out and shook hands with Charlie and Dean.

“Nice you meet you guys,” he said, and waved them into the room.

Castiel glanced around, taking in the place that he’d be living for the next few months. It was a small room with beige walls. There were two beds, accompanied by a desk and wardrobe each, along with a half filled bookcase tucked in a corner. Kevin had already moved in; his side of the room was filled with textbooks and papers.

The four of them made idle talk as Castiel began unpacking his things. He learned that Kevin was from Michigan, was majoring in ancient languages, was in three AP classes, and played the cello.

Castiel also learned that Dean was a completely useless person.

Once Castiel had begun unpacking, Dean had immediately threw themself onto Castiel’s bed and proceeded to ‘delegate the labour,’ much to the annoyance of the other occupants of the room.

Castiel and Kevin were shelving Castiel’s numerous books (he’d managed to cram a surprising amount into his suitcase), while Charlie busied herself trying to shove Dean to the floor so she could make the bed. The resulting scuffle drew Kevin’s attention.

“Dean is quite the character,” commented Kevin, raising an eyebrow. Castiel nodded in agreement. Dean fell to the floor with a thud, landing in an undignified heap. They groaned and flung their arm over their face dramatically. Kevin and Castiel paused their work to observe their antics with amusement.

“You  _wound_  me, Charles!” Dean cried, every inch the damsel in distress. Charlie was having none of it, obviously used to their drama.

“Quit whining and get off the floor, you dork,” she said, kicking them gently in the ribs. Dean groaned and flipped her off. Charlie rolled her eyes and began to put the sheets on the recently vacated bed.

Castiel and Kevin could barely contain their giggles.

“To call Dean a ‘character’ is a gross understatement. I think a better term for them would be ‘obnoxious,’ possibly even ‘menace,’” snickered Castiel.

“Fuck you, Cas, I’m adorable,” groaned Dean from their spot on the floor. At this, Kevin lost it, collapsing into peals of laugher, Castiel along with him.

“Also, ‘ _super-unhelpful_ ,’” Charlie chimed in, loudly.

Dean flipped her off a second time.

***

Once they had finished getting Castiel moved in, the group decided that they should go get lunch. Dean piped up and insisted that they should all go to The Roadhouse, a bar that Dean’s aunt ran. The fact that it was a bar made Castiel feel a bit uneasy. He had never been to a bar in his life, and he was wary of the types of people that could be there.

“C’mon…” Dean wheedled, “I swear it’s awesome.”

“I don’t know, Dean…”

“Please?”

“I don’t know how I feel about going to a bar.”

“My aunt runs it, it’ll be _fine_.”

“But-”

“She makes the best damn burgers in the state!”

“…Okay, fine. You’ve convinced me,” Castiel sighed, still apprehensive of the whole thing, but unable to pass up good burgers. “Burgers are my favorite food.”

“Dude, yes!” Dean cried, grinning widely and pumping their fist in triumph.

The four teens made their way to Dean’s car. It was an enormous black beast that Dean obviously took excellent care of. Castiel whistled in appreciation.

“I don’t know anything about cars, but she’s gorgeous, Dean,” Castiel said with awe. Dean preened at the praise.

“Oh, I like you, Cas. You love burgers, and you appreciate my baby? Where the hell’ve you been all my life?” they gushed, and flashed a wink at Castiel.

 _Wait, what? Why are they winking at me? Was that what I think it was?_

“Is that a flirtation?” Castiel blurted, squinting at Dean.

Dean, Charlie, and Kevin all looked at him incredulously for a long moment, then they collapsed into giggles. Their laughter was contagious, and soon Castiel was laughing along with them, although he wasn’t exactly sure what was so funny.

Eventually the laughter died down, and the four of them piled into Dean’s car to make their way towards The Roadhouse.

***

Ellen’s Roadhouse was a run-down building not far from campus. Dean pulled the car up, and the group got out. Castiel’s previous doubts resurfaced, and he looked up at the building with trepidation.

“Don’t worry, Cas, it’s better than it looks,” Dean said, noticing his hesitation.

“If you say so…”

Dean walked up to the door and held it open for the others. Charlie made a beeline for a booth in the back corner, followed closely by Dean. Castiel and Kevin trailed after them. Castiel glanced around nervously. The Roadhouse was dimly lit, with the bar situated up against one wall, and pool tables located opposite. He was relieved to see that, since it was the middle of the day, there were only a few other patrons there.

Dean slid into the booth first, followed by Charlie, leaving Castiel and Kevin to sit on the opposite side. Castiel found himself directly across from Dean. Once they had all sat down, a young blonde woman came up to their table and began passing out menus.

“Hey, Dean!” she said, cheerily, bending down to kiss Dean on the cheek. They smiled up at her warmly as she ruffled their purple hair.

_Is she their girlfriend?_

“Where’s Ellen at?” Dean asked Jo.

“She went home early. Her’n Bobby are gonna have some ‘alone time,’” she answered, crinkling her nose in disgust.

“Aw, c’mon! I did _not_ need to know that,” Dean exclaimed with a shiver.

“You gonna introduce me to your friends?” Jo asked, indicating Kevin and Castiel.

“Right. Jo, this is Castiel and Kevin. Cas, Kevin, this is my adopted sister-but-technically-cousin Jo Harvelle.” Kevin reached over and shook her hand, and Castiel did the same, frowning slightly.

_Not girlfriend then. Why am I pleased about that?_

“It’s very nice to meet you,” Castiel said, snapping out of his thoughts and smiling up at Jo.

“Any friend of my big-sib is a friend of mine,” Jo said, winking at him before turning back to the group.

_Again with the winking. What is it with the winking today?_

“Alright, what d’y’all want to drink?”

“I’ll have whatever you got on tap,” Charlie piped up. Castiel noticed her face had become slightly flushed and she seemed to be speaking much faster than usual. He thought that was a bit odd, but quickly dismissed the thought as Dean began to speak.

“I’ll have the same,” Dean said, and turned to Castiel and Kevin. “What about you two?”

“Oh, I’m not old enough to drink, can I get a Coke please?” Kevin asked. Jo nodded and scribbled his order in her notebook.

“What about you, Cas?” asked Dean.

“Well, I’m underage too, so I’ll have a Sprite. Thank you, Jo.”

“Alrighty, I’ll be back with your drinks in a sec,” Jo said, as she finished writing out his order with a flourish. Snapping her notebook closed, she spun on her heel and walked back behind the bar. Charlie leaned out of the booth to watch her leave.

“Damn that ass is _fine._ I have _got_ to get some of that,” she said, and Dean thwacked her arm. She pouted up at them.

“That is my _sister_ you’re talking about, _Charles,_ ” scolded Dean.

“Aw, c’mon, she’s so _hot_ ,” Charlie begged.

“Charlie…” they said, in a threatening voice.

“Fine. Be that way,” she huffed, crossing her arms and turning away from them.

Castiel was only half listening to their argument. He wasn’t that surprised by Charlie’s comments, he knew she had a lot of sex. Having been raised Christian, he believed in waiting for marriage, however he accepted that not everyone else shared his belief. It didn’t bother him all that much as long as everyone was being safe. It made a sort of sense to him. People enjoyed intimacy. At least that’s what he assumed was the motivation. The one thing he really didn’t understand, however, was the ‘one night stand’ phenomena. Whatever made people decide to go and have sex with a stranger was beyond him.

He pulled himself out of his thoughts as normal conversation resumed. Kevin was talking to Charlie and Dean about some video game or another—or at least that’s what Castiel assumed they were talking about. He didn’t play many video games. He bent his head to peruse the menu. Nearly everything listed was greasy and/or fried. Excellent.

Jo returned to take their orders—Castiel ordering a bacon cheeseburger on Dean’s recommendation—and went back behind the bar. As she left, Dean leaned towards Castiel, putting their arms down on the table before them.

“So. Cas. Tell us about yourself,” they said expectantly.

“Well, you already know I’m from California and studying architecture, what else would you like to know?” Castiel asked, furrowing his brow thoughtfully.

“Dude, that stuff is _boring._ I wanna get to know you. What’s your favorite colour? Do you have any hobbies? What’s your favorite TV show?” Dean rattled off quickly with a childlike grin.

“Okay… My favorite colour is blue. I like to read, and I love bees. I’m slightly obsessed with _The Unnaturals._ ”

“Hell yeah! _The Unnaturals_ is fuckin’ awesome! We should watch it together sometime,” Dean said, excitedly. They paused for a moment, processing the words Castiel had just said, and squinted at him. “Dude, you like _bees_? You’re more of a nerd than I thought,” they laughed. Castiel rolled his eyes exasperatedly.

_Why doesn’t anyone understand how important bees are to the environment?_

“Bees are beautiful creatures, Dean—”Castiel began, preparing himself for a debate. Before he could continue, Dean put their hands up to cut him off.

“Dude, I was just messing with you. Bees are great—so long as they leave me alone,” Dean said placatingly, giving Castiel their best puppy-dog eyes. Castiel huffed in irritation, trying—and failing—to keep a smile from his face at Dean’s pleading expression.

“That’s a very underhanded move, Dean. You can’t escape all your problems by being cute,” Castiel said, feigning irritation. Dean just grinned and leaned back in their seat.

“You think I’m cute, huh?”

“No! Wait, no- that’s not- you-” Castiel spluttered as Dean laughed at him. “Shut up,” he grumbled, fighting a smile as he glared at Dean.

***

The rest of the evening went smoothly—the four of them got along very well. Once they’d finished their food (the burger was _excellent,_ Dean hadn’t been kidding), Dean had driven them all back to campus. Dean and Charlie were in different dorm buildings, so they had parted ways when they reached Castiel and Kevin’s dorm. Before leaving, however, the group exchanged numbers so they’d be able to hang out in the future.

After getting lost twice, Castiel and Kevin eventually found their dorm. The pair brushed their teeth, and then Kevin kicked Castiel out of the bathroom so he could take a shower, leaving Castiel in the room alone. He changed into his favorite pajamas (they had bees on them), and sat down on his bed. He pulled out his phone to check his messages.

There were two texts from his parents checking to see how things were at the new school. He answered them quickly, resolving to call them both tomorrow. He flopped back onto his pillow, phone still in hand, and reflected on the day’s events.

_Not a bad start. I guess this semester won’t be too bad after all. Even the bar wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. I hope tomorrow goes just as well. Maybe I should try and see Dean again._

That thought made him smile. He unlocked his phone and opened his contacts. He scrolled through to locate the most recent addition, and composed a text message:

_‘Hello Dean’_

He put away his phone and switched off the light. He smiled as he began to drift off to sleep.

_Tomorrow’s gonna be a good day._


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the slow update! I had finals to deal with... I plan to also post Chapter 4 either later today or tomorrow :)  
> (Thanks [Crowley4queen](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Crowley4queen) for your feedback! I guess you count as a beta <3)

**11:26 pm - Castiel:** Hello Dean

                **11:39 pm - Dean:** Hey Cas whats up?

                **11:40 pm - Castiel:** I enjoyed spending time with you, can we ‘hang out’ again soon?

                **11:42 pm - Dean:** Yeah man, I’d love that. I’m gonna get lunch at the cafeteria, wanna come?

                **11:46 pm - Castiel:** That sounds wonderful, but I don’t know where it is…

 **11:48 pm - Dean:** Oh right you’re new. I’ll come to your dorm at noon, and we can walk together

                **11:51 pm -** Castiel: Sounds good Dean. I will see you tomorrow.

***

Castiel awoke slowly. It took him a moment to realize where he was, the unfamiliar surroundings of the dorm taking him by surprise. He grabbed his phone from his desk to check the time. Almost nine. He flopped back down on the bed and blinked groggily up at the ceiling. Coffee. He needed coffee.

_Where the fuck do I get coffee?_

Castiel groaned in frustration, and rolled onto his stomach, burying his face in the pillow. His head was too fuzzy. He knew he should get up, but his bed was far too comfortable.

_Maybe Dean knows where to get coffee, they’re familiar with the campus._

At that thought, Castiel pulled out his phone again and sent them a quick text:

                **8:54 am - Castiel:** Do you know where to get coffee?

Castiel curled back under the blankets, reveling in the soft warmth. He drifted for a moment, but was startled awake by a soft * _ping_ * from his phone.

                **8:59 am - Dean:** Good morning to you too, grumpy.

                **8:59 am - Dean:** Somebodys not a morning person ;)

                **9:00 am - Castiel:** No.

                **9:00 am - Dean:** I feel you dude. You can get coffee in the dorms, but there’s also a café on campus.

                **9:01 am - Dean:** Wanna meet for breakfast instead of lunch?

                **9:02 am - Castiel:** Yes. Where do I go?

                **9:02 am - Dean:** I’ll come to your dorm. Be there in ten.

Castiel grumbled to himself. Now he _had_ to get up. Yet, coffee with Dean sounded enjoyable, so it was worth it. He reluctantly sat up and, throwing the covers off him, he swung his legs off the bed and stood up at last. Castiel stretched his arms above his head with a groan, hearing a satisfying pop in his spine. He released the stretch with an involuntary gasp of relief, and wandered over to the chest of drawers. It took him a few minutes of groggily rummaging through his clothes (unfolding most of them in the process), before he settled on a bulky maroon sweater and jeans. Checking the clock he saw that he only had about six minutes to finish his routine.

After changing out of his pajamas, Castiel stumbled into the bathroom and turned on the tap. After splashing his face with cold water, he checked his appearance in the mirror. He rubbed at his prickly cheeks thoughtfully. He needed a shave, and his hair was a mess. He ran his hands through his bedhead a couple of times before giving up—it would have to do, and honestly? He was too tired to care. As for the stubble, well, not much he could do about that in the time he had. He supposed it didn’t look too bad. He gave his teeth a cursory brushing—just enough to rid himself of morning breath- and then made his way out of the small bathroom.

Castiel plopped himself back into the bed, resisting the urge to lay down again. He opened his desk drawer and snagged his wallet, shoving it into his pocket. As he shut the drawer, he heard a knock at the door. He got up and walked over to answer it, opening the door to reveal Dean.

Dean was wearing an outfit that was quite different from the previous day’s. They wore a light lavender sweater paired with mint green pants, rounded out with pale brown oxford shoes and a chunky knit pastel pink scarf. That, paired with the vibrant purple hair, made for a striking figure. Castiel blinked at them for a moment, not quite processing the unexpected change, before shaking himself out of his daze.

“I um… I… I- I like your sweater,” he tried. “Well, I like the… um… the outfit… in general. The- um… the colours… are- are nice,” he finished, lamely.  Dean smiled at him, obviously amused by his sleepy confusion.

“Thanks, Cas,” they said, smirking. They gestured grandly to the hallway with a hand. “Shall we?”

“Okay,” Castiel sighed, more than a little relieved that he hadn’t offended Dean. He already felt a close connection to them, and he didn’t want to break it.

***

The pair made their way out of the dorms, and out into the clear Kansas morning. The sky was clear, and a cool breeze rippled through the smattering of trees dotting the expansive lawns. Castiel could feel himself waking up slightly at the fresh air. As he slowly became more coherent, he turned to Dean.

“Good morning, Dean.”

Dean gave a loud guffaw, throwing their head back happily. Castiel looked at them in bemusement.

“I do not understand what is so funny, Dean,” Castiel grumbled.

“Sorry,” Dean gasped. “It’s just—” they tried, “Oh my God—” they gave up and continued to laugh. Castiel couldn’t help but smile, their mirth was infectious—although he still didn’t understand what was so funny. Eventually Dean calmed down enough to speak.

“It was just, your whole… thing,” they explained, rather unhelpfully. “Just, ‘Good Morning, Dean,’” they said, stifling a giggle as they lowered their voice to a grumble in an apparent imitation of Castiel’s voice. Castiel glared at them.

“I do _not_ sound like that!”

“Dude, you totally do. I mean, what the hell’d you do, gargle glass?”

Castiel glared at them for a moment, too tired to think of a decent response, before turning away with an irritated grunt. He heard Dean laughing again and he rolled his eyes.

_Coffee. I am not awake enough for this._

A silence fell between the pair as they continued on their way to the café—both persons were in dire need of coffee. They rounded the corner of yet another brick building, and Castiel saw the sign for the Cafeteria and Café. He breathed a sigh of relief, chuckling a bit when he heard Dean give a sigh of their own beside him.

They trekked into the café, and Castiel was instantly struck by the homey atmosphere. He had expected something cold and clean like most cafés he had been to, but this place felt... lived in. The walls were a honey coloured wood of some kind, and armchairs and tables were scattered around the place—there were even several bookshelves tucked against the far wall. Castiel broke out of his caffeine-less stupour slightly and smiled at the sight.

The two of them went up to the counter to groggily give their orders—an extremely large black coffee for Dean, and a triple-shot cappuccino for Castiel—then promptly flopped themselves down in a pair of the available armchairs to await their drinks. Dean looked over at Castiel somewhat blearily.

“So,” they said, expectantly. Castiel blinked at them, slightly confused as to how he was supposed to respond to that.

“So...?” he finally spoke up, questioningly.

“So, tell me about yourself, Cas,” they said, peering over at Castiel with a grin on their face. Castiel furrowed his brow.

“What do you want to know?”

“Well, what’s your family like? You got any siblings? Why are you studying architecture?”

Castiel thought about this for a moment. Was he ready to talk about his family troubles to an almost complete stranger? He had to admit, he already felt a strong pull towards them, and they didn’t really _feel_ like a stranger, despite the fact that they had known each other for barely a day. He sighed as his emotions whirled within him. He wanted to tell them, but his nerves seemed to lock his jaw into place.

_Best to just get it out before I change my mind._

He took in a deep breath and brought his eyes up to meet Dean’s. He saw that their features had twisted in concern.

_I need coffee for this._

“My family is... um...” he huffed in frustration, unable to get the words out. Dean looked at him worriedly.

“You don’t have to talk about your family if you don’t want to. I get it,” they said softly, meeting his eyes.

“No. No, it’s alright. I want to talk about it—I think. I need coffee,” he deflected slightly, trying to put off the inevitable. Dean nodded at him understandingly. Castiel knew then that he had picked the right person to talk to. He knew that Dean would get it. They were very intuitive, not to mention intelligent (when they weren’t being annoying), and it seemed to Castiel that they had gone through something along the lines of what he himself was going through.

Castiel was startled out of his reverie when their names were called. They snagged their drinks and sat back in their chairs.

Castiel sipped at his coffee pensively, wondering how to get the words out. Dean sat across from him, patiently waiting for him to speak.

“My parents... they, uh, they got divorced a couple of months ago. My mom moved out. I didn’t see it coming, I didn’t—” he broke off, unsure of how to continue. Dean reached over and put their hand on his knee comfortingly. The warmth of it felt like a soothing balm.

“It’s rough, isn’t it?”

Castiel’s eyes snapped up to meet Dean’s.

_They...? They understand. Thank God._

Castiel nodded at them, and went back to sipping at his coffee. Dean leaned back in their chair thoughtfully.

“My parents split when I was only four. My dad... He was... Well, let’s just say that he wasn’t much of a father. My brother Sammy and I spent years in joint custody with the two of them,” Dean broke off to sip at their coffee for a moment. Castiel gazed at them pensively. That must have been hard, he couldn’t even imagine. He had been lucky that he was already an adult and didn’t have to worry about the question of custody with his own parents’ divorce. Dean sighed and glanced back up at Castiel. “My mom died when I was fourteen, and we stayed with my dad after that. Like I said, he wasn’t a good father. Child Protective Services got us out of there after a year, and we came to live with my Uncle Bobby and Aunt Ellen. They adopted us, and we’ve lived here ever since.”

Castiel stared at Dean. That was… He couldn’t imagine what he would have done in that situation. Dean was… impressive, to say the least. At a loss for words, Castiel took a sip from his coffee. The pair sat in silence for a few minutes. Eventually Dean spoke.

“Sorry to dump all that on you.”

“It’s quite alright.”

“Thank you.”

“Anytime.”

“Y’know, if you need to vent, I’m here. I get it. I don’t usually talk about my feelings, but I know you sometimes need somebody to talk to,” Dean looked up at Castiel, their eyes filled with honesty. “I’m here if, and when, you need it, man.”

A warmth filled Castiel at those words. He had Charlie to talk to, yes, but she didn’t _get_ it. Dean did. He felt a connection with them. _Chemistry?_ It was a relief to have made a friend so quickly. He knew that he would need the support.

 “Thank you, Dean. It means a lot that you offer that, thank you.”

They smiled at each other and finished their coffees in relative silence, only making passing small talk to each other.

***

About an hour later, Castiel arrived back at his dorm and sat down at his desk. He was feeling much more awake now, thanks to the coffee, and he decided that it was time to call his parents. He dialed his mother first. Amelia was a kind woman, and he loved her very much, but it was difficult sometimes to talk to her because she was the one who left. The two had always been close, and Castiel had always confided in her, but now... It was like there was a rift between them. She had hurt him. He was... angry? It was hard for him to say. He didn’t know what to feel.

There was a click as the line was picked up.

“ _Castiel! How are you sweetheart?_ ”

“Hey, mom. I’m good. I’ve made some friends.”

“ _Oh, honey, that’s wonderful! I’m so glad._ ”

“Thanks, mom. How are things on your end?”

“ _They’re alright. I got a job finally._ ”

“That’s great mom! How are Alfie and the others?”

“ _Alfie’s alright. He’s staying with me right now. Anna and Gabe are staying with your dad._ ”

“That’s good, I’m glad to hear it. Tell them to call me sometime, yeah?”

“ _Of course, sweetie. I’m sure you’re busy, so I’ll let you go. Thanks for calling, pumpkin. I love you._ ”

“I love you too, mom. Bye.”

Castiel hung up the phone, and leaned back in his chair. He sighed. He loved his mom, but it was hard. Now he had to call his dad. They didn’t have a very close relationship—he was his dad, but they were always a bit distant from each other. His father, Jimmy, was a soft spoken man, who didn’t like conflict. The divorce had been hard on him especially. Honestly, Castiel was glad to be out of the house. The semi-regular phone calls between his parents set him on edge—they usually fought. That, along with the constant custody negotiations left him raw and agitated. He quickly dialed his dad. The line was picked up after only two rings.

“ _Hello, Cas._ ”

“Hey, Dad.”

“ _How is school? Did you make any friends?_ ”

“Yeah, I’ve hung out with a few people, it’s been really nice. Classes don’t start until next week, so I’ve got time to get to know people.”

“ _That’s great, son. I’m proud of you._ ”

“Thanks dad. I gotta go now, love you.”

“ _Love you too._ ”

The line went dead. Castiel lay back on his pillow, relieved that the phone calls hadn’t gone on too long. The interactions with his parents still felt strained, and it was difficult for him to deal with. He stared up at the dorm room ceiling. There was a bit of plaster that looked a bit like a bear if he looked at it the right way. Wait—no, it looked like a rabbit.

Castiel sighed, shaking himself from his reverie. Having nothing better to do, he pulled out his laptop to read fan fiction of _The Unnaturals_. He had recently acquired the taste for it, and it had helped him a lot over the past few months. He was most captivated by the ‘Dames’ ship, as it was known. It was a pairing of the hunter Dan and the angel James. There were thousands of fics featuring the pair on the popular fan fiction archive website, and Castiel began to sort through them, searching for one that would pique his interest.

Castiel read through a few various fics ranging from Coffee Shop AU to rather dark Canon fics. During his search, he came across a fic that looked right up his alley. There was some sex in it, but he could skim past that, and it was tagged as having cuddling, which he absolutely loved. It was not these factors, however, that really drew his attention: it was the summary. It described James finishing up his third date with Dan, and being nervous about sex. For some reason, this pulled him in, and he clicked on the link and began to read.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos/Comments are always welcome! Thanks for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fanfic that Cas reads is inspired (with the author's permission) by [avyssoseleison's](https://archiveofourown.org/users/avyssoseleison/pseuds/avyssoseleison) [Intimate Spaces](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2372081). I really recommend reading it, it's really awesome!
> 
> **Additional Warnings:** I don't think this warrants a change in the rating, but there is some slight sexual contact in the fanfic that Cas reads. Nowhere near smut levels. Mostly just kissing. I'm putting a warning just in case :)

The story yanked him in quickly, and James' emotions and thought processes seemed… _right._ Castiel _got_ it.

_James rubbed his hands on his jeans in an attempt to quell the tremours  that ran through them. Third date. He knew what happened next. He knew what Dan would expect. He shivered, despite the warm interior of the car. Dan was sitting in the driver's seat, glancing over at James periodically. Their date had gone really well, but now James was scared. What if he wasn't good enough? What if Dan wasn't happy? What if... he couldn't go through with it? His anxiety mounted as he considered the possibility of having sex with Dan._

Castiel wrinkled his brow thoughtfully. He felt for James. If he was ever put in the situation, he thought that he'd feel the same way.

_"James, you alright?" Dan asked, quietly._

_"Yes, I'm fine," James said, giving Dan what he hoped was a confident smile._

_Dan pulled the car to a stop outside of an apartment building, and killed the engine. He looked over at James, looking almost as nervous as James felt--but with a twinge of excitement._

_"Do you wanna... come up with me?"_

_James didn't trust his voice not to quiver and shake, so he nodded quickly, and smiled. They exited the car, and made their way to Dan's apartment. Dan unlocked his door and they went inside, closing the door behind them. Dan looked at James eagerly, and brought his hand up to caress James' cheek before leaning in to kiss him._

_The soft press of lips on his was better than he had been expecting, and the knot of worry in his chest loosened a bit. Then Dan pushed him up against the wall. He wasn't sure if he liked that, but Dan was certainly enjoying it. All he could hear was the pounding of his heart in his ears as he trembled with anxiety. He hoped that Dan wouldn't notice. He moaned into Dan's mouth, hoping that doing the action would get him into it._

_The pair made their way to Dan's bedroom, and James found himself being backed against a bed. He flopped down and stared up at Dan. Dan was smiling down at him._

_"Beautiful," Dan whispered, with awe. James met his gaze and smiled. He felt trapped by Dan's arms, but he assumed that that feeling would go away when things got going._

_Dan bent down and kissed him firmly, and James gasped a little in surprise, leading Dan to gently tease the inside of his mouth with his tongue. That felt quite nice. James kissed back fervently, caressing Dan's mouth before gradually kissing and nipping a path down his neck. Dan let out little gasps and moans at his ministrations._

_"James, I gotta be honest with you for a second," Dan said, pulling away. James froze. Had Dan figured out that he wasn't aroused? What had he done wrong?_

_"What do you mean?" James asked, voice quavering with nerves._

_"I've never," Dan gestured between himself and James, "done this before." James breathed out a sigh of relief._

_"Me neither, Dan, you're my first."_

_Dan grinned at that, seeming inordinately pleased at being James' first sexual experience. For some reason that caused James' anxiety to ratchet up even more. He breathed slowly, trying to soothe the buzzing beneath his skin._

_They continued to kiss each other gently. Dan brought his hands up to undo James' shirt. Suddenly James felt much less sure of himself. His palms began to sweat again and his breathing increased._ Just nerves, that's all this is. Nerves.

                _Dan pulled James' shirt off his shoulders and quickly tore off his own shirt. James gazed at Dan. He was truly beautiful. His muscles were sculpted and firm, and his chest glistened slightly with sweat. Dan grinned cheekily at James._

_"Like what you see?" he said smirking down at James. He nodded, gazing into Dan's eyes. "You can touch, I know you want to."_

_James didn't_ particularly _want to, but he guessed from Dan's words that he was supposed to, so he did. He ran his hands down the planes of Dan's chest, lovingly, stroking his thumbs along his abs and settling his hands at Dan's hips._

_Suddenly, Dan's hands were doing the same to James. He gasped at the unexpected touch. His breath quickened and his hands involuntarily clenched on Dan's hips with a bruising grip. Dan seemed to like this, and bent down to capture James' lips with his own._

_Dan continued to caress his chest as they kissed. Dan pulled away abruptly, and settled back on his heels. James watched him, feeling slightly worried about what could happen next. His eyes widened as he observed Dan unbuttoning and pulling off his pants. He could see the evidence of Dan's arousal through his boxers, and he gulped. Dan winked at him, and reached out. He teased at the waistband of James' pants, glancing up at James for confirmation. James shakily nodded his head, and Dan unbuttoned his pants and pulled them off, gradually pushing James down until he was laying flat against the pillows. James stared up at the ceiling, ready to let whatever was going to happen, happen. He felt Dan shift away and he leaned up on his elbows to look at him in confusion._

_"Dan, why did you stop?"_

_"You're not turned on," Dan said, worriedly._

_It was true, and James knew it. James closed his eyes tightly, waiting for the inevitable abandonment._

_"Is it my gut?" Dan asked, worry tinging his voice. James blinked and stared at him in confusion. "I can work out to get rid of it, we could try again," Dan continued, self-consciously._

_"No, Dan, no. It's not you. I'm just... nervous."_

_Dan didn't look convinced, and started to pull away. James grabbed his arm and pulled him back. He had to do this, he really liked Dan. This couldn't end now._

_"Dan, you're beautiful," James told him vehemently, kissing down his neck. Dan flushed and shifted, embarrassed. "I'm just nervous, I promise."_

_Dan didn't look convinced, but he nodded reluctantly and continued to kiss James. To his relief, James realized that he was getting hard at last, although he was nowhere near as aroused as Dan. He twitched a little as Dan pulled down his boxers. He breathed and tried to calm his frayed nerves. He could do this._

_Suddenly a wet heat of Dan's mouth enveloped James' penis and he cried out in shock. Too much. No. He couldn't do this, no, no, get it off, stop, no--_

_The mouth was gone abruptly, and James' realized he'd been speaking out loud. He flushed, mortified, and turned his face into the pillow. Dan was going to leave. This was it. Tears prickled at his eyes._

_"Are you okay? What did I do wrong? What is it?" Dan said, frantically. James squeezed his eyes shut and nodded to reassure Dean that he was alright._

_"I'm... fine. You didn't do anything wrong, it's me who's wrong, I'm the one who's broken," James' voice cracked at the last word, and he felt a tear slip down his cheek._

_"Woah, woah, hey," Dan said, worriedly. "What do you mean 'broken?' I don't understand."_

_"I should be... wanting, desiring..." James fumbled for the right words. Dan looked confused._

_"What are you saying?"_

_"That I don't want to have sex with you!" James blurted out, abruptly. Dan looked shocked, and James quickly backpedaled to rectify the situation. "I don't want to have sex with anybody, Dan. I don't know what's wrong with me. I really, really, like you, but I don't want to sleep with you," James continued, emotions roiling within him. "As soon as we started doing... this... all I wanted to do was stop," he sobbed, tears finally overtaking him "I'm sorry, Dan. I'm so, so, sorry. I'm broken, I don't know what's wrong with me." James finished between sobs._

_"I think you're asexual."_

Castiel paused. He had heard that word before, but he wasn't sure what it mean. Something niggled at the back of his mind. All the stuff James was saying… He shrugged off the feeling and continued to read.

_James whipped his head up and stared at Dan in confusion. Why wasn't Dan kicking him out?_

_"My brother went to school in California, and he told me a lot about different sexualities, and I think you are asexual."_

_"What does that mean?"_

_"It means someone who isn't sexually attracted to anyone."_

_"I--"  
                "Have you ever looked at someone and wanted to fuck them?"_

_"...No."_

_James stared down at his hands in disbelief._ Asexual. _He was... asexual. He looked up at Dean's face, eyes shining. He was overwhelmed with relief. Not alone. Not broken. His voice trembled with emotion,_

_"I think you're right, I think I am... asexual," he said, rolling the unfamiliar word around in his mouth. "I'm not broken! I'm-- I'm not broken."_

Castiel stopped and stared at the screen in front of him. Oh. _Oh._ It all made sense now.

_Holy shit._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is literally how I figured out I was ace. I read that fic, and it was just an _'ohhhh.....'_ moment.  
>  Sorry to leave you hanging (not really)
> 
> Comments and Kudos are always appreciated! Thanks for reading <3

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Feedback is always appreciated <3


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